FRUSTRATED

This was my first day spent frustrated- language barriers hit head on. The desire to communicate becomes so strong. I consider myself a social person... maybe an understatement. I love company, novelty, humor, and challenge. I also like my solitude- almost impossible to find hear unless cooped up in my room... no way i'm doing that while there are things to see. But to be a social person without a voice- a painter without a brush, a poet without a pen- we've heard these metaphors before. I'm starting to understand the cliche- and it no longer feels cliche, but very upsetting and real. All I want to do is talk in this language- learn it's history, sing its songs, scratch its script... it's extremely difficult.
I find myself wavering between hesitancy and confidence- an uneasy gray area from which you never stay or leap, but kind of trip around and stumble. I have some language tools at my fingertips, much more to learn, and a dangerous amount of desire to learn everything I can! I want results immediately- there, it's said. I don't want to wait. I want it now. How often do we feel this way but never say it? This won't necessarily speed the process, but it does make me feel just a little better.
I've had 4 classes. This is an ancient language- spoken for centuries and at 800 words per minute. A slight "huh" sound changes the meaning and the same word can be used for "fourteen" and "sex". When I think about this, I relax and give myself a break. It will come, I know it will. And when it does, i'll cherish every word I say.